think i super nv mention i using back my old blog hehs.

theforeverdays.blogspot.com ! x3

if thats what u take my post to be then so be it. if u think u should continue being like that then carry on. if u want to leave my life go ahead. you're already part of my everyday life. but perhaps everything should never have started. everything in audition. right from february. right after everything ended with daryl. it was a pause in my life. and then everything else started. for months, it was somewhat like everything was going up, but yes, now it's heading downhill. maybe its just like a balance. between life and my life in audi. my life i've gained from audi. its been six months since i knew you. kind of long, and kind of short. long coz, its a whole half a year, short coz it doesn't seem to be only six months. you were really in my life.

i'm sorry i interrupted your life. take your leave if you want to. i guess you need it. its time you found back your own life.

i really love you, as a friend.
i'm not a good friend, will never be.

bye.

wtf is ur problem? for the whole day u have been bs-ing dno what shit. all ur sms has no punctuations and u crap dno what and u tell me u dont need my help etc. ask u go home u dont want, say will come early and reached dang late, and just disappear, when u know i need my charger esp. u know u have no money to eat but u still buy the bag. and everytime i'm really angry u just keep smiling. u know the kind of hours i work, then u come and be sarcastic with me. cant i choose to work later so i can get more sleep? u say u dont want to quarrel, yet u're the one who's responding like shit. my life messed up enough. it cant really get messier anymore.

i'm in a good mood today! and i shall get myself to blog before i go lazy agaaaain.



went out with twinnie today. late again. i'm forever late, and everyone's 'used' to it already ): i suck, like seriously. its like, twinnie, dahh, jie, xav, bebe, jiahui, alee and whoever else i cant rmb.

went to orchard, and for once i don't exactly feel sianed there. the lights are pretty too. wasn't very crowded. watched wild child, its nice. paid deposit for a backpack, bought random masks, got all my christmas plans settled (: had grand's triple chocolate ice cream :DDD we're gonna buy the smaaaall christmas hat! so cute.

i shall be spastic and wrap all the presents. twinnie and i bought necklaces. it comes in threes. so i took 'forever', she took 'friends', and we're gna give 'best' to cat ^^


watched nick and norah's infinite playlist with alee yst, i was quite nice, funny. but the chewing gum is seriously eew omg.

i'm down with fluflu. guai me took med twice today (:


wed- work plus dinner with bebe. take thumbdrive& sim card. make frame.

thurs- work till 4, go cineleisure with inez and get presents, watch movie with justin & gang.

fri- work till 4, go out with bebe to watch four christmases.

sat- 'deliver' present, then get presents with bebe.

sun- work.

mon- twilight with aiai.


happy six months in dec (:

i know you love me! i love you too too! you're a great friend, so i'll be nicer and help you spend your money (: (: (:


goodnight all.

forget it if u dont trust me but i really forgot the time but i guess it won't make a difference. you didn't have to make me cry. my grandma didn't tell me anything either. i was looking forward to going to the library. then u had to keep on going about those stuff. and then i was there thinking where u were. whether u were at home. since u wanted to go home so much then ask u to go home -.-'' i'm really really sorry. and u say u can go home ): i shall just run to the library myself. boo.

hmms let me see. what interesting stuff i did today. slept at 4 am, woke at abt 10. finished half a storybook, audi-ed, had lunch, slept. woke up at 5, bathed, went to geylang for dinner. walked there from aljunied. then walk back to kallang. train-ed to clementi, amd the funny malay guy was smiling at me -.- i was like looking at other stuff, then look down he smile smile, i look at him and look away. then the whole ride he looking down at the floor. weird man. reached home at like 11? milo was a train behind me (: slowpoke. quit ur job!

tmr! fion is going to watch bolt with her mum & her bf! and she told her mum they're gonna get a cpl seat, while her bf sit beside! :D

i really have no idea. i'm like, just lost in random thoughts.

just done reading that storybook. and everything seems to remind me of you. that's because everything i do, my mind just wants to link to you. and it sucks. i'm not sure whether i've really tried to get you out of my mind all these while. these few months. have i?

that tag from alee, it reminds me of the only movie i've ever watched with you. that was the first time i met you. i still remember the date. come to think of it, it was exactly five months after i broke up with daryl. and it was four months after i knew you.

i'm still pondering, on what i should do. these few months seem like a dream. its all so surreal, and i'm still drifting since then. i'm unsure, of what's really happening.

i remember alot. from the first month, to the promises you made, when you told me the truth, when i wanted to give up but you told me to stay, the first time we met, when we held hands, the second time we went out tgt- tiong bahru, things u dont like, the clock, the night we saw my mum at the lift, the messages u sent, to patch, to break. the night at the playground, the bus ride home. the first proper dinner we had- kind of. the first time i went to find you. everything i've been trying to sort out for months. you make me unsure. and you still do.

i really wanted to give up, i took the first step, but didn't carry on. maybe when u were a day ahead of me, the truth finally materialised, i couldn't do it. or i think. or so i want myself to think. its like i'm trying to end it all, but i want to hold on. but what is it that i want to hold on to? us? the memories that belonged to april? the feelings? just you beside me?

like what i said, we are very different in many ways, in fact, very. and that's way we have alot of conflicts. thats why we never seem to talk about anything. i know you're busy with work. i've been trying hard to ignore, ignore those feelings that makes me so.. so unhappy. i keep trying to think, what is it that's really between me and you. me. and you. us.

what is really going on through ur mind? i really cant tell. but even when u tell me, it might not really be exact, and it isn't everything. we don't have that foundation of trust, we have nothing stable as a base, like everything built on air. its stupid. everything was stupid to begin with. but i just let myself fall. and fall. just didn't bother to get out, walk off. even if i did try to get out, half-willingly, i'd look back, for sure. i have lost my sanity since forever, that i can't think. i have no idea what is it that i've done these few months, regarding you or not.

should i take this step? or i should i walk it further, myself further. these three months are going to be busy for you. should i?

i don't know what's making my mood so damned bad. probably 's everything accumulated. kind of had a bad day at work, bad starting, heard some stuff, and thinking about what i'm doing with my life. and worrying about me, and them two. i'm in a difficult position, but i probably placed myself there. it seems to be that you're never there when i need u the most, and the who's always there, is never you. maybe one day, i can really walk away, and leave what should be, behind. maybe i should have just done some decisions i made, but maybes are never meant to be.


i'm sorry i keep taking it out on you. to me, you're the most innocent in everything.



i'm sick & tired of all these, of myself, of trying not to care.

why am i doing this? i should let go.

went out with daryl&amos today to watch hsm3, like finally? show was supposed to be 4.45 at tm, ended up at 6.30 zz. went to simei first to collect phone, amos and his cousin wait for me for like half an hour? so ps. they took the train to pasir ris and take back again, abit mad uh? then wait for the phone quite awhile, smore daryl's lesson ended late late late. then he cab home and i told him to bus back. the show was quite nice. except when i was watching my mind was not here not there lol. daryl paid for my nachos muahaha. when we were going home saw a bunch of guys with power ranger masks haha lol. lame abit outside the station then went off before my train could run away. eheh.

train ride was hoho. arnd kembangan i saw these two uncles, then jiu give up my seat, then the older-looking guys refuse to sit. he said it in hokkien and then repeated to me in english, that the seat was for old people lollol. then since he dontwant sit, his friend say 'never refuse a good offer' LOL. when there was a empty seat next to his friend he keep tellin me to sit. then transit at cityhall. the same two guys, one empty seat, his friend sit again and he repeated 'its for old people' xD then the one sitting facing me so we exchanged a smile. lols.

go home eat nasi lemak for dinner o.o supposed to be my breakfast xD

hoho. had maths paper 1 on friday. at first tot it was okay, until...

the end of the paper. yes the end. see it says the end. the END.

ok whatever lol.
1) bearing must draw line T.T
2) there was a question that says "estimate" i have no recollection of that.
3) some other question i didn't know how to do.
4) sets. all the complement union nonsense. zz!
plus careless mistakes, abt 15 marks gone le? sian.


went out with aiai after the paper while poor dahhling & yada people had amaths paper. aiai waited for... 8 trains =x so sorry. went to bugis. shopped around for dresses, mainly is price problem lo. i ended up buying prom dress le, which diana & nez hasn't gotten.

went to macs, i had mcflurry lols. since i alr had a lil at home. there was this old caucasian with his wife, as he finished his coffee, he picked up the unopened coffeemate packets, and i tot they was leaving. instead he walked in (from outside) and returned the packets. hoho.

and so i went to try the dresses, and trying on diff colours for the designs, and turns out the colour i bought was something that i would never have bought? hmms. navy blue. they both say its nice.. so.. lol. bought uber long earrings as well. stayed on a lil more and chat with the auntie haha.

pei aiai walk to the further bus stop after that since she only got bus there. then my bus was like reaching, while hers 16 more mins, so i wait also lol. whole bus ride: my throat was like drying up lols. smore on the phone. ear hot sia. was half attempting to sleep. call dahhling and met up with her aft that. inez was there too.

so i randomly dragged them into that shop that i crapped that the clothes not nice =x got a few dresses for them to try haha. not bad sia, so is the material, or so i hope. but they havent made a decision on buying it! i was suggesting purple to diana instead of the usual black/white. so we both saw this grey dress that we liked and both tried it on. haha. most probably i'm gna buy. she say if she can't find jiu borrow from me. inez try on dresses too sia xD

tried two dresses myself. haha then dahh say want see my prom dress then jiu wear lo. coz i was saying dno want wear the grey one or that, then she say of course the navy blue one o.o haha how come they all seem to like it alot? hmms.

went home after that~


wanted to go on saturday but ended up lame-ing at home.
yst i was pisseddddd with my mum and grandma, and seriously like the whole day, and they havent ended since this morn.

luckily i'm going out later. oops. better not let aiai wait lo. her mum say want tag along hoho so funny. see how she persuade her later xD

tata~

had the dumbest olvl paper in history today. that paper is named 2235/01, a.k.a geography paper 1 physical geography. lets see. after alvin 'disturbed' me by 'revising' together the not-yet-that-dumb subject, whilst ranting on about 'dreamcatcher' i might add, i couldn't get to sleep. and three reasons why i gave up and went to bed: 1) i was too tired. (tired!) 2)nothing more would get into those funny brains, if existent. 3) unless i need my mum to come out screaming at me.

and then that was around 2.15 am. what time did i fall asleep? about 4.15 am. perfect, when the next morning i was going to reach school to study, at 8.30. which obstensibly (i just love it word okeh?) i'd have to wake earlier then abovementioned time.

alright, point is the lack of sleep.

anyways i reached school at about 9.30am, reached library before jean even though she reached school before me? we were lagging, and called ms wang on jean's hp. and she just pick up and go 'jean blabla' and she was kind of rambling and couldn't hear/register that i said i'm fion/not jean. anyways she was having breakfast. in the canteen. and said would be there later. alvin hadn't reached either, and we were already an hour late o.o he slept earlier than me can -.-''

jean was crapping that we should keep totally silent when alvin came. hahaha lol. and i was 'suggesting' that if alvin asked whr's ms wang say she angry alvin haven't come so go off lol. anyways we didn't exactly do both, half each :D after lagging and not wanting to study and going like " we're gonna die" "there's not enough time" "i don't know this" and getting 'scolded' by ms wang lols. i realised i couldn't really absorb anything.

until i felt like crying.

asked gh whr's diana and he said studying in the canteen with yusaku o.o!! i bet she just didn't want to study with gh. messaged her and went to find her. and i really cried. kind of twice. then diana de liang zhang tissue finish, then yusaku gave me a packet LOL.

thanks to ainul for like teaching me for the last hour before the paper.


the paper was alright i suppose. haven't really had anything except a slice of bread in the morning. meaning my 'lunch' which is two slices of bread remain untouched. went down to buy bbt and lunch+dinner.


i had a cup of coffee in the morn! and another can in the lib -.-''

tmr's maths paper. zzzz. i dno construction! diedie.


english paper was dumb, coz i tried re-writing, only not enough time. half-edit draft was neater and better*! title: delight and frustration of a teenager. justin call me after the paper then we crap lol. summary quite fine wor. but if moderate marks, i'm still like the not-so-good of the cohort. zz. justin still say nvm his eng also not very good. but got diff! his other 5 subjects can get a1 de, i can't.


*according to myself -.-


no amaths rocks. and jean finally dropped amaths :D but according to her, she only "absent the paper" hahaha.


i'm stressed-ish lah. going out tmr! shall go audi nows.



i give up on thinking about some stuff *shrugs* who cares.

Fion
13 years of age; if you decide to just trust me..
SEVENseptember
single& lovin' it!


foreordained-contingency.blogspot.com
my url is apparently another bout of randomness, kinda contradictory, depending on how you view it. but basically with your eyes would be the most apt. thankeews & leave a tag! x3

`white (:
`wrapping papers!
`dark chocolate x3
`jigsaw puzzles (:
`figurines x33
`candles ._.
`candies&lollies :D
`gummies (:
`chocolateiceblended x3
`icweam! :DD
`lists :D
`lameness xD
`sudoku x.x
`stoning o.o


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